To all the men, picture this, a night where you go out with your friends. There is this fine female across the room. You both feel the vibe and both of your interest levels have peaked. Usually after this moment is noticed from you, then you move in to get the contact information (phone number, e-mail etc) and you will be even luckier if she supply you hers.
During this time, you hang out, laugh, joke, and have an excellent time on future dates. So in the midst of this, you have come to a conclusion that you like this girl and you are thinking about approaching her and confessing your feelings. Now comes the time and you tell her, only to get the response of, “I just want us to be friends”.
This becomes damaging because you envisioned this as a potential person to date while all this time she did not see it this way. So you ask yourself where did you go wrong and when did she make this determination of making you a “friend”. She made this determination when you did not attract her as a lover and came across as a provider. To the men, make no mistake about it that a woman knows if you are interested in them. There is no man on this earth that will get a female’s number just to be their friend. But once you exhibit that friend like behavior is when you go into the friend zone and your changes of dating her have dropped tremendously.
There have been many occasions where I could never understand where I became in the “friend zone”. During my high school years I did not know what it was that the women wanted and the only way to communicate with them was to be their friend. Thus, I found myself on the outside looking in at all the women that I lost. So I ended up in the friend zone. Now in this zone you can’t do the following:
- Buy gifts (she does not need these from you, in fact she will be more apprehensive to take the gift from a “friend”. This also is that courting behavior that she does not need nor like);
- Call often (think about this for a second and say to yourself, how often do I call my friends? Same theory would apply here that she will call you until she wants to talk to you;
- Go out on dates (like she really wants to spend a night of anything remotely close to a date with a “friend”); and
- Have sex (need I say more, I know all you guys think that since she is opening up to you that she is going to bend. Not at all remember you are just a “friend”).
There are more of these rules that I have become familiar with but these are the most common. If you break any of these rules you will wind up in disappointment. Women have a tendency to try to keep the friendship around because she don’t want to risk losing you as a friend. That is fine if you want to be her friend genuinely, but if this is not your goal it is no need to stay around. You may think that staying around will help your chances but she has already made up her mind about you and more adamant about you two being friends. I honestly believe that women have a distinct advantage in the dating game. I will describe this by using the analogy of chess that a woman says, “I am going to keep you (the pawn) right here and I am going to go back here and see what this guy (the knight) is talking about and play with him for a while”. So who do you want to be, the pawn or the knight.
To avoid getting into the friend zone (and not being the pawn) here are some tips that I have found to be useful to increase your dating chances with that dream girl:
- If you are not sure if she feels the same way that you feel, you should not “get heavy” with her. This will backfire on you will become disappointed;
- Do not exhibit court like behavior. This will drive her to think that you are buying her love and tricking her to like you. Also if she is not attracted to you then your actions are pointless.
- Do not confess anything you feel to her if you are unsure about how she feels. Yes I know that you have heard that you should be honest. But as they protect their feelings, you should protect yours as well.
In the end you really have to be honest with yourself and say that if what you want out this mate is a friendship or a relationship. I have nothing against women (my mother was one so that helps), but if they are protecting their feelings then why can’t you do the same. This is not an act of selfishness but you have to understand that there is certain behavior that they are attracted to and certain ones they are not.
If you act like the friend (call, be there for her, etc), then that’s what you are going to be. But, if you treat her like a potential dater (ask her on dates, treat her like a lady and not being buddy-buddy with her) then your chances for a relationship can increase. I am not saying to be a jerk, just be less accommodating. It’s important to employ some of these techniques in the beginning stages of meeting a woman or you may end up in the “friend zone”. To the females that are reading this blog it will be greatly appreciated that you provide some feedback about this topic. This post is predominately for the men but your views help this post as well.
The sites provided where helpful with the steps that I just stated as well as issues pertaining to this topic.
Steps in turning your friend into a girlfriend
Secrets women know that men don't.
Signing off,
Truly yours,
//s//
Mr. Impact "the online alter-ego"
